Coffee, Tea and Guy Talk
by ChiaraHhue
Summary: Unfortunately for John and Elizabeth, Carson and Caldwell bond over tea


Title: Coffee, Tea & Guy Talk

Author: chiarahhue

Rating: PG-13 for a bit of bad language

Spoilers: None really, since this is so AU as to border on crack!fic

Pairings: Steven Caldwell & Carson Beckett friendship; John/Elizabeth implied

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or any of the characters. But if I did, I wouldn't have written about exploding tumors…

Summary: Unfortunately for John and Elizabeth, Carson and Caldwell bond over tea

Notes: Another fic prompted by a chat with my dear friend wanderingsmith who thought Caldwell deserved some friends and a possible romance. Although this story stands alone, it follows Love Is…

Early evening was Carson's favorite time to relax. The mess was usually deserted and he could sit by the far window, quietly sip his tea and enjoy the view as the Lantean sky slowly slid from the clear blue of day into the purple blue of twilight. Tonight there was still enough light to see the waves undulating the water and for a moment he considered moving outside to the balcony so that he could enjoy the sound of them gently lapping against the city.

"I don't know if I could get used to being surrounded by water."

Carson looked up, blinking in surprise to see the captain of the Daedalus standing by his table. "Scotland's nigh well surrounded by it…either you get used to it or you leave." He wrinkled his brow and added thoughtfully, "Although I'm sure I never imagined myself quite *this* far away from home."

Noticing the mug in Caldwell's hand, Carson gestured politely to the empty seat across from himself. "Would you care to have a seat, then, colonel?"

"Thank you, Dr. Beckett, but I don't mean to impose on your peace and quiet."

Carson dismissed the formal comment with a wave of his hand. "We're the only ones in the mess at the moment. We'd look a right daft pair if we sat at separate tables and pretended not to see each other."

"So we would." Caldwell nodded, flashing him an amused smile as he sat down.

"And call me Carson."

"Steven."

The two men nodded in acknowledgement and then silently eyed each other as they sipped their drinks. For all the years they'd worked around each other, Carson couldn't recall ever having sat down, just the two of them. And while he enjoyed an easy friendship with the two leaders of Atlantis, the career military man sitting across from him was another kettle of fish.

"I'm surprised to see you drinking tea, Steven." He ventured, looking pointedly at the other man's mug. "Most of the Americans I know can't live without their coffee. Although I must admit, I'd sooner drink coffee than that god fersaken horsepiss you call beer!"

Caldwell smiled and shook his head. "You won't get any argument from me! Especially since I got to taste Athosian beer the last time I was here."

"Ah, that's right…the planting festival party." Carson sighed appreciatively. "Now *those* people know how to make a proper brew!"

"And then some," Caldwell chuckled. "A couple of the new recruits were green for days afterward."

"Aye, we still like to tweak Major Lorne about his first Athosian beer hangover. He was feeling so poorly the next day that Sheppard offered to shoot the lad and put him out of his misery but Lorne swore he didn't think even killing him would bring any relief!"

Carson grinned as he watched Steven throw his head back and laugh. It was the first time he'd seen a side other than the 'Official Colonel' and as he watched the older man relax back in his chair, Carson began to see why Elizabeth liked him so well.

Leaning forward, Carson inhaled and brightened as he recognized the scent wafting from the other man's mug. "That's Athosian tea…as a matter of fact, I think that's Teyla's own blend."

"Really?" Caldwell glanced down at his mug. "Elizabeth made a pot for me this afternoon during the meeting." He gestured vaguely with his hands. "She did some kind of complicated thing with the tea leaves and the water…"

"Aye, the proper Athosian way of brewing tea," Carson interjected with a smile.

"So she said." Caldwell nodded. "Anyway, it was so good I got a thermos for the rest of it."

"You should see Teyla do it… her hands move so gracefully it's a joy to watch."

"Yes, well… as a matter of fact…*ahem*…"

Carson's cup of tea paused in midair as the colonel cleared his throat, a blush rising up his neck as he swallowed awkwardly. What the bloody hell…he looks like he's about to pass a kidney stone!

"She… er, Teyla, that is… invited me to have tea with her… later tonight."

Both of Carson's eyebrows shot up.

Caldwell nodded grimly. "And that," he pointed at the doctor's face "is exactly the same look Elizabeth and Sheppard had on their faces when she invited me."

Carson blinked and, realizing his cup was still in midair, lowered it to the table. "So what did Elizabeth have to say about it?" he asked curiously.

"I haven't had a chance to talk to her since then. But I know you and Teyla are friends and I was hoping that you might help me out." He let out a worried sigh. "I'm getting the distinct impression that this invitation is for more than tea. But I sure as hell don't want to make any wrong assumptions here, if you know what I mean."

Carson nodded gravely. "But on the other hand Steven, if you step out of line, you won't need the Daedalus to get back to Earth." At the colonel's questioning look, a wide grin split the doctor's face. "'Cause Teyla will just kick your flippin' arse right through the Stargate."

There was a moment of silence and then both men burst out laughing.

"Thanks, Doc, you're making me feel a helluva lot better."

"Aye, well that's what friends are for." Carson wiped the tears from his eyes and, still chuckling, took pity on the other man. "Well, Elizabeth would know the intricacies of Athosian culture better than I but I do know an invitation to tea is an important offer of friendship." He held up a cautionary finger. "*Friendship,* Steven," he emphasized.

"No problem. Even that's more than I expected," he said humbly.

"Aye." Carson nodded and rubbed his chin as he eyed the other man thoughtfully.

Caldwell shifted self-consciously in his chair. While he'd automatically accepted Teyla's invitation, the reactions from Elizabeth and Sheppard and now Carson were starting to rattle his self-confidence.

"Is there a problem?" He asked, tapping his fingers nervously on the table.

"Oh, just thinkin' that Teyla always invites me for *morning* tea... not *evening* tea."

"Is that…significant?" Caldwell leaned forward, trying hard to sound casual.

"Ehm…" Carson pursed his lips in thought, then let out a breath of relief as he saw Elizabeth enter the mess. "Ah…here be a better source of your answer!" he exclaimed, waving their mutual friend over.

To say Elizabeth was surprised to see the two men together in the mess was an understatement. Pouring a bit of cream into her coffee, she hurried over, curious to find out what they were discussing.

"Gentlemen…I hope there isn't a problem?" Sitting down, she looked from Steven's worried eyes to Carson's sparkling ones.

"Well, lass, that rather depends on your point of view," Carson began, his eyes shifting over toward Caldwell.

As Elizabeth swiveled and turned her full attention on the colonel, her eyes widened at the sight of his flushed face and nervous manner. It suddenly reminded her of his reaction when Teyla had invited him to tea during dinner and the corners of her mouth quirked up. "You command an interstellar battlecruiser…you deal with the IOA and the SGC…you've fought Wraith and Ori…and you're terrified about a simple invitation to tea?"

"Elizabeth!" Caldwell glowered. "It's not that simple and you know it."

"Well, it could be," she sat back eyeing him speculatively as she cradled her cup of coffee in both hands. "Formal Athosian protocol allows each party involved to 'guide' the process, as it were. Teyla, being younger than you, could simply be showing respect to your position by her invitation."

"If you *want* to keep it that simple, go dressed as you are now. " She nodded at his uniform. "It will let her know that you wish her to continue addressing you as Colonel Caldwell and that you are offering her your friendship as captain of the Daedalus and a ranking member of Earth's military forces."

"I see," he replied quietly. His voice was neutral but Elizabeth caught the flicker of disappointment in his eyes. It pleased her to see his interest in her friend and prompted her to continue.

"On the other hand, Teyla *did* extend your invitation in front of John and I." Elizabeth took a sip of her coffee, noticing how he straightened imperceptibly.

"Aye, there's that," Carson nodded thoughtfully at Elizabeth. "You being head of Atlantis and Sheppard Teyla's commander." He turned to Caldwell and explained. "It's a more *personal* sign of respect – the first time Teyla invited me to tea, it was in front of Halling and Charin."

"But what I find interesting," Elizabeth continued, a smirk hovering over her lips. "Is that she made a point of it being *evening* tea."

"Aha!" Carson crowed, slapping his hand down on the table. "I was just commenting on that!" he added, obviously pleased with himself.

Caldwell frowned worriedly, his attention focused on Elizabeth. "And this is important because?" he prompted.

Elizabeth gave him a cautionary look. "Well, I can't be sure, since she's never invited anyone on Atlantis to evening tea, but I would assume it indicates that she's also *interested* in you." She arched an eyebrow delicately in amusement, as he fell back into his chair and blinked in disbelief.

"Fuck," he breathed.

"Well, I don't know that I'd count on *that*', Steven." Elizabeth reproached with mock severity. "I'm quite sure she only had tea and conversation in mind tonight."

"Oh Christ!" He bolted upright, his eyes wide with alarm. "I didn't mean…" He sank back into his chair glaring as Carson snickered and Elizabeth tried to hide a smile behind her cup of coffee. "Okay, you two." He growled. "You know damn well I meant that as an expletive and not a verb."

Slanting a glance at Elizabeth he suddenly blushed and ducking his head, muttered a belated apology for his language in front of her.

"Steven, please," she put a hand on his arm. "I work with marines and crabby scientists…I assure you I've heard swearing before. And in more than one language."

Snorting softly in amusement, he covered her hand with his and gave it a pat. "So." He turned again to Elizabeth, this time with a twinkle in his eyes. "Civvies tonight, then?"

She nodded approvingly. "It will let her know you're there as Steven, not Colonel Caldwell." As he gave her a warm smile, she added, "And if you can manage, bring a little something to have with the tea…it will show you respect her invitation and wish to contribute to the friendship."

"I know just the thing too!" Carson piped up, snapping his fingers and looking at Caldwell. "That box you so kindly delivered from Earth this time had a tin of me mum's shortbread. Teyla loves it and I was going to share it with her the next time we had tea; but this is more important."

Carson tut tutted as he brushed off Caldwell's half-hearted protests. "I'll hear naught of it, Steven! Besides," he grinned, "me mum would be tickled pink that I used her biscuits to help a friend in a romantic situation!"

Caldwell choked as the doctor winked in his direction. "Now don't get ahead of yourself, Carson! Like you pointed out, an invitation to tea is an offer of friendship first and foremost. Beside," he ran his hand distractedly across the top of his balding head. "I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that she invited me at all."

"Why is that?" Elizabeth asked, tilting her head quizzically.

He gestured to himself and shrugged in self-deprecation. "She has her pick of men and she invites…me?"

"Eh," Carson snorted. "Why women choose the men they do is truly a universal mystery. Some even more than others…" He rolled his eyes in Elizabeth's direction and Caldwell chuckled in understanding and agreement.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" She lowered her cup of coffee and pursed her lips in annoyance.

Catching a covet brow wiggle from Carson that seemed to invite him to join in teasing their friend, Caldwell ignored Elizabeth's indignant question.

"Honestly, Carson. How the hell did it happen in the first place?" He asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

Carson clucked sadly, "Och, it's a devil of a coil, ain't it, Steven?"

"But as her friend, couldn't you have intervened…for her own good?"

"Nae, I dinna see it coming 'til it was far too late."

Steven gave his new friend a genuinely confused look, "I don't get it. Of all the men in the world…"

"…two galaxies, actually…"

"…and considering her position…."

"…and how sought after she is…"

"…she ends up choosing…"

The two men looked over as Elizabeth made an oddly strangled noise.

"Didja say something lass?" Carson asked innocently.

"Why does everyone insist on trying to make something out of nothing?" She set her coffee cup down forcefully on the table. "For the last and final time…there's nothing going on between John and I!"

The two men exchanged a puzzled look and then as one, turned and tilted their heads to look guilelessly at her.

"John and you?" Carson blinked his clear blue eyes at her. "Is that who you thought we were talking about?"

Elizabeth opened and closed her mouth as she looked from one man to the other. "But…you…"

Caldwell shrugged a shoulder. "I was just asking Doc here why, as Teyla's friend, he didn't try and talk her out of asking me to tea when she had a whole city…"

"…galaxy even…" Carson added.

"…of better men to choose from."

There was a tense silence as Elizabeth bit her lower lip and a heated blush rushed up her neck to color her cheeks. Pushing herself up from the table, she blasted both men with an indignant glare and then turned on her heel and stalked out of the mess.

The two men watched as the doors slid shut behind her and then turned to each other with matching grins.

"I don't think even the IOA got steam to come out of her ears like that."

"Aye, that was *brilliant*, Steven!"

"I credit our success to teamwork," Caldwell replied magnanimously. "Besides," he added as he pushed his chair back and stood. "She makes it too damn easy."

"Aye, that she does," Carson chuckled as he rose and grabbed both of their empty mugs.

"So what's the Atlantis betting pool on those two these days?"

"Oh, Chuck closed that one months ago," Carson shrugged dismissively as he fell into step with the colonel. "You can't take odds on a sure thing."

"Same on the Daedalus."

"Really? And who's running the bets on your ship?"

Caldwell waited as Carson dropped off the mugs in the disposal bin. "Officially, of course, there *is* no pool." He crossed his arms over his chest and feigned a reproachful expression.

"Aye, aye, of course there isn't…but if there *were*?"

He pursed his lips primly but his eyes twinkled in amusement as he leaned in confidentially. "Then Hermiod would be the one to see."

Carson blinked and then burst out laughing. "In a weird arse-over-elbow way, that makes complete sense."

The two were still chuckling as John walked into the mess and, catching sight of them, froze.

"Colonel Sheppard! Steven and I were just talking about you."

John's eyes grew wide and darted from one man to the other. He hadn't missed Carson's use of the colonel's first name; or the predatory smirk on the older man's face. *Oh crap. That's all I need..those two buddying up…*

"Carson…Sir." He sidled past then to the coffee station.

"Working late, Sheppard?" Caldwell rumbled, lifting an eyebrow as he watched the younger man pour two cups of coffee and put cream into one.

"Uh…yessir." John hedged his way back around the two men, carefully holding the two steaming cups. "Just working on some reports with Elizabeth." He watched suspiciously as the two exchanged an amused look.

"Well, carry on then, lad. Don't keep your lady waiting." Carson smiled and made shooing motions with his hands.

John nodded and started to turn away, then paused and looked back at the doctor, his eyes narrowing. "What did you just say?"

Carson blinked innocently. "I was just urging you not to keep Elizabeth waiting. She's a busy lady!"

"Right... Which is why I'm bringing coffee. To save time." He lifted his chin defensively.

"Aye. No need to state the obvious."

John nodded again, his eyes warily looking from Carson's amused smile to Caldwell's now full-blown smirk. Deciding that whatever was on their minds boded worse for him at close range, he bid them a hasty goodnight and disappeared through the door.

Both men shook their heads as they started out of the mess hall.

"I think the lad's in more denial than she is."

"Yes, for a brilliant strategist, he can be downright clueless where she's concerned."

"Eh." Carson shrugged, trying to keep up with the taller man as he strode down the hall. "Understanding battle strategy and understanding women ain't near the same thing."

"Been there, done that and got the divorce papers to prove it," Caldwell muttered darkly.

"Now, now, don't get your knickers in a twist before you even get dressed in them civvies."

Caldwell stopped in his tracks and let out an exasperated breath. Glancing up and down the hall to make sure they were alone, he leaned in. "As much as I hate to admit this…it's been awhile since I've even had a date." He gave an embarrassed shrug.

"It's just tea your having tonight, remember?… Relax colonel!"

"I'll screw it up," he responded glumly. "I'll bore her to death…I'll…"

"Bloody hell, man! Sac up!" Carson said sharply as he punched the colonel none too gently in the arm. "You're the tactical man – if you find yourself in a hole, you should know the first thing you need to do is stop digging!"

Caldwell blinked, and then the corners of his mouth twitched. Reaching out, he clapped the smaller man soundly on the back, nearly knocking him over. "For a civilian doc, you know a lot about the military – did you serve?"

"Nae." Carson wheezed, a hand to his chest as he tried to catch his breath. "My Uncle Angus did. He was always full of advice."

"Any advice about women?"

"Aye, as a matter a fact, he had this interesting theory…"

As Chuck turned the corner on his way to the mess, he slowed down as he passed an unlikely pair deep in conversation. His 'Good morning Sir' and 'Doctor Beckett' were barely acknowledged as the two men continued past him. And as they turned the corner behind him, Chuck's eyebrows shot up into his hairline as he heard Caldwell *laugh*.

Shaking his head, he headed into the mess. Seeing the colonel had reminded him that he'd have to give Hermiod a call when he got on duty…he had a very tasty tidbit to dangle in front of the Asgard's nose (or whatever passed for a nose in Hermiod's case). Seems their captain had an invitation to tea with Atlantis' most sought after woman this evening!

Well, most sought after woman next to Dr. Weir, he amended as he fixed himself a cup of tea and scrounged around for a few cookies. Although she didn't really count since she was already taken…not officially, mind you, but close enough that he'd had to take her name out of the Hook Up Pool.

He straightened suddenly and grinned as a thought hit him. Maybe it wasn't too soon to start a Sheppard/Weir pool for First Date, Pop the Question, Tie the Knot and Baby Announcement! Although, he grumbled to himself as he dashed off, knowing how things happen in the Pegasus Galaxy, he should probably not put those categories in any particular order…

The End


End file.
